I must be exhausted tonight. I think it's both physically & mentally. I have no desire to even think about joining a gym, eating anything remotely healthy, or doing anything at all.
I actually got so SICK of sitting here (it was crazy here) that I stormed outta here with out a word. I drove for about 5 minutes & didn't know where I was headed. Just knew I needed out for a minute. I kept thinking about just parking somewhere (instead of wasting gas) so I could think. I ended up at the temple. While I parked there, I decided to turn off the radio & say a prayer. I needed patience, strength, help, and so many more things. I didn't want to give up my new adventure, I only want to go forward.
I continued to sit there for about 10 or 15 minutes. Then decided to venture on driving and get stuff out of my system. :)
By the time I came home, 45 minutes later, I felt much better. I still must be really tired or something. But on a good note, I read Alma 37 again, and prayed before I did so. Dinner wasn't organized at all. Everyone did there own thing, so I decided since I didn't have anything prepared I'd just eat a salad again. By the time I was done, I thought I was going to puke. I don't want to see lettuce anymore.
Tomorrow is FREE movie w/ kids day! We skipped last weeks because I wasn't in the mood to take the 3 of them. But I promised them we would go tomorrow.

Another day DOWN!--

breakfast


lunch


dinner

Day One

SaTuRdAy -- or my official day OnE!

For breakfast this morning I had egg beaters with veggies.. or an omelet--DUH!

I was surprised that I actually 1.)made it 2.) then ate it 3.) kinda liked it. My goal for now is to have that as often as I can tolerate it, getting in as many days as possible. After a few errands I was hungry and ate a string cheese to tie me over to lunch. (I'm used to eating whenever & whatever)--with no discipline.

For lunch I had a salad w/ cucumbers, carrots, spritz ranch dressing, and ground turkey burger w/ onions. It was the WORSE salad I have had! I could NOT finish eating all of it, but knew that I'd be hungry, so I ate a sugar free pudding. Again later, I became hungry & also knew that I wasn't feeling good & that made me MORE hungry. I ate as many carrots (okay not that many) but it seemed like I ate one after the other. It was no help. I said a prayer to feel better & make it passed this and to not give up... ( I love you Carol)!

I found my way to quick trip for a diet dr. pepper....I was missing it. I decided to get a special K protein bar. It was only 180 calories and the protein was 10 g. --which will keep me full. I successfully made my way to dinner. The whole family enjoyed broiled chicken (they had bbq sauce, I had seasoning) w/ steamed veggies (very yummy) while the rest of the family had rice w/ theirs.

I'm on my THIRD night of no eating after SIX! I've never done that before or at least this long, or at least not missing it.

I'm worried for tomorrow (okay, for everyday) but I WON'T give up, and I'm making a choice right now to start going to a gym. That's way mucho commitment, but I mucho NEED IT!

And so SHE speaks...

An e-mail from Carol telling me "It's on GIRLFRIEND--you WILL keep going"
Well girlfriend, get down on your knees and ask the Lord to help you to commit. There is no turning back now. You already are commited! Get with the program and ask for help to channel your mind where the Lord wants it to go. Why sit in misery (inside of yourself and self loathing) when you can be free. The Lord has brought to you a circle of new friends. Why? To help you find yourself and to help you commit. You can do it Diane. Start now, go to the grocery store and buy the things you need so at least you can begin tomorrow. It's too late to turn back Diane. You have been called NOW to turn your life around. All things that aren't working out the way that you would like them to, will begin to work in your favor. Just do it and then your mind will follow. There are no excuses that will work for you. Reach down inside of you and bring up all the good and put it in the hands of Heavenly Father. He will give you the desire. Just believe. Do it and do it now!
What a WONDERFUL friend (who I'm still getting to know). She's only met me once, and yet she sees all my potential & wants me to SEE it too.

Oh SNAP!

This morning I decided to write my weight on the calendar in the kitchen. No specific reasoning behind it, just knew it wouldn't get lost, like some piece of paper.

So on my calendar it says *190*. Brendon saw it this afternoon & said, why is there stars there with a 190?? I said--that's how much I way. He replied-you do?? wow, you've lost weight!!!
My response was, I did?? How much did I used to weigh?? He innocently says, --I don't know 300???

I love my son! :)

My new SpIrItUaL JoUrNeY! It's NO TURNING BACK... we'll see what happens.


GOALS:
*Lose weight
*Find who I really am
*Make new friends who will only HELP me
*Earn greater respect for myself
*Gain better spirituality

thanks to my new friends (and back ups) Carol & Leslie