Please, please, please....just no more bleachers!

Okay, I actually don't know what THOSE are like.. but I'd like to think that I do NOW!

AfTeR taking and extra day off yesterday--I made it to the gym today! :) I knew that he was going to add some extra stuff in to my workouts..to change it up a bit & start working my body more, which I was ready for.

How I wish I still felt this way!!!!! He was kind enough to add some FAVORITES-- (not) to my workout..

• Wall SQUATS! (does anyone like those???)


• Lunges! (I hate lunges, they hurt my bad knee) (an old volleyball injury)


• Jumping BOXES (aerobic steps, stacked 3 high, jumping on/off..5 sets of 10) HELLO! I hate jumping! Fat people with big boobs DO NOT enjoy jumping of any kind!! ugh

We did those first, then I moved on to my usual routine.. I attempted to do leg presses--HAHA.. my legs were shaking like crazy! I usually do 2 rounds of circuit training.. but I was already exhausted (mother nature called) before I started.. I did 10 min. of my cardio--pretty worthless--but I knew if I walked any more-I'd just fall off.

He keeps trying to tell me that I've made HUGE progress.. But I just don't feel that way. He says I'm kicking ***! I say, well I've been working hard, and I see some results. I guess I don't have lines of people asking what my secret is, so it must not show that much. But I REFUSE to give up, and I WILL keep going. I'll make my goal, and I'm not giving up till I do.

My sis-in-law posted a whole bunch of pics on her facebook page.. and I just happen to be in some of them! OH JOY!! here's one that makes me disgusted! I have a long, long way to go, but I DON'T look like this anymore! AND thank goodness for that..

My how ONE year can change so many things!
I usually only post journals.. but thought I'd add pics for me to enjoy as well!


OnE year ago. . . the start of 2nd grade!



ToDaY. . the start of 3rd grade!


HoW cAn ThEy GrOw So MuCh??

Can I do it!???

• Can I give up weighing myself??
• Can I even go a day AND not do it??
• Can I hide my scale for a month?

I kept telling my self that when my 30 day re-weigh came...that I would make that my final weigh in... and not do it everyday & keep track of it every week..---- I wouldn't weigh myself again til next month when the 30 days were up again.

UGH--- I don't know how to not weigh myself!!

Today was officially weigh in day--(hooray, it's Friday!) The final count is 176! 2 more pounds down--sWeEt!

The results are IN!

For a month of gym work & dieting (or so) --- my results are as follows!!
(and it's all inches lost..)
BuSt: 2"
WaIsT: 2"
HiPs: 3"
ThIgH: 1/2 "
R. ArM: 1/2"
L. ArM: 1 1/2"

FAT %-- 2"
WEIGHT-- 11 lbs. ** when they weighed me at the gym the first time, he took off a couple pounds for clothes/shoes.. i thought that was dumb.. cz today, they didn't do that. SOO that said, according to my scale from day one to NOW-- is 13 lbs. (big whoppin difference)

He keeps saying I should be very proud.. yada yada.. but I'm not THAT impressed. I mean I'm happy that it's working.... but I'm not amazed at my self or anything.
Now he'll be adding some other stuff to my workouts.. switch it up a little! YAY!

UGH!...the gym

Again... frustration! I've been looking forward to today for a couple weeks now. I knew it was coming up, but set the appointment for it last week. TODAY was my 30 day mtg. w/ a trainer. Pretty sure it's only for weighing & measuring... or maybe they change the work out a little--not sure. So I've been anxious for today, cause I'm dying to see if I've lost any inches. I go down there today to do my work out anyway... and the front desk says he's not here today, he has a meeting. I just keep thinking to myself... did I get the day wrong? did he forget he had a mtg? was it last minute?

So I hardly felt like working out-- I was so disappointed. This is the same guy that told me about getting a menu.. then to only find out, it cost money!! I'm starting to really get ticked at him! But he's not a trainer, he's a "get them to join the gym" person! So it might not be totally his fault!

But I felt good about my food yesterday or my choices. DeFiNiTeLy better than the weekend.

Had my omelet, then nothing til lunch.. the usual bagel sandwich...(w/ some chips...sorry ) then later I was still hungry b4 dinner, so I had my bar.. and dinner was fajitas! I found a fajita kit at the store... has the veggies, meat & tortillas. 2 of them was 320/10 --so not too bad. And I ate a peach w/ my dinner too. :)

I'm pretty confident that I have CONSUMED this much food this weekend.

And I don't think I'm exaggerating either! :(

It's taken til right now (1o:00 at night) to feel it too. I'm just glad I feel it.

I'm not that thrilled with myself.. pretty much did whatever/whenever. But all I've done is stressed about it. How I don't want to be this way. I don't want to FEEL this way. I don't want to REGRET what I've done.

But I also want to LIVE, ENJOY, BE ME! And I know there is a happy medium some where---I just need to find it :)

But it is NOT going to keep me from going to the gym, or getting back on the track I need to be on. I can only pray/hope for a better up coming weekend. And it's the weekends that get to me. But I'm off to the gym tomorrow, and there's no point in trying to burn off what I've consumed... that would take til next YEAR!

I've never really set a goal for my weight loss. Just have gone by what the trainers have said. By calculating pounds lost by week... and then that gets me how long it will take to lose the amount of weight I want gone total. So my original 50 lbs--1.5 - 2 pounds a week- = around Christmas time is when I should reach my goal!

Well, I officially have a GOAL! It's for 4 weeks.... september 1st. I have to lose 6 (I'll take more) pounds... it's kind of a bet I had w/ my brother.. He's always been 150's (ish) and lately the pounds have found him.. and he's 172.. AND YOU STILL CAN'T TELL... the jerk! But I told him I was on my way to catch him. So a few weeks ago I picked a day, and I realized tonight that I have 4 weeks to catch him. 6 pounds... doesn't sound too bad! (sniff)

Hopefully I'll make, AND pass it!

Where did the week GO?

Here it is Friday already. Seems like I just saying it was Monday!! :) Today is weigh in day, and I went down another 1.5 lbs. Hard to adjust from losing 3 a week, but I'm eating more/different things now. I just have to remember that 3 a week is unusual, and 1.5-2 is better or healthier. That brings my weight to 178! Cant remember seeing that number for a while. Although I feel like things are starting to shrink or tone (arms, sides, legs-somewhat) I wish BIGGER things were changing. Like my HUGE STOMACH or my backside:) Although, I do think my butt is getting smaller. I'm just ready to be able to buy smaller clothes (my stomach keeps me from doing that) and people to start noticing. I mean, I am doing all the hard work, it's about time I look different!
I got a huge disappointment from the gym. I was anxiously awaiting to get a "meal plan" or something I could follow... and turns out, it's something you do w/ a trainer (a whole dialysis type thing) for like a $100!! I DO NOT have the money, but the amount of detail they go into really interests me. Everything you can eat from meals, snacks, what works for you, and the calorie intake for your body. I probably really should do it, it would really help me & answer a lot of questions ( I know you're glad to hear that anissa!) Hopefully I can scrounge up some CASH!